A Practical EmPath: Being & Sounding Natural – Study Guide

I. Short Answer Quiz

Answer each question in 2-3 sentences.

1. According to the source, what is the difference between something “natural” and something “habitual” in the context of communication?
2. What are the three core components of Practical Empathy Practice (P.E.P.) as outlined in the notes?
3. The author provides three suggestions for using P.E.P. in crucial conversations. List one of these suggestions.
4. Explain the Kung Fu analogy provided in the text in relation to learning and applying P.E.P.
5. Describe one potential drawback of using “clinical” P.E.P. language.
6. What are the potential judgments or evaluations one might receive when using profanity?
7. What is the author’s take on profanity?
8. What are some examples of discourse markers, and why does the author suggest letting go of them?
9. In the context of the chapter, what is one reason to include the word “feeling” when stating feelings?
10. The author provides an example of a negative reaction to P.E.P., and offers a short answer. What is this example and answer?

Quiz Answer Key

1. “Natural” refers to the innate human ability to connect by revealing feelings and needs while understanding others’ feelings and wants. “Habitual” refers to the programmed way of communication that people are used to before learning and utilizing P.E.P.
2. The three components of P.E.P. are: observation without evaluation, recognizing and guessing feelings (both yours and others), and guessing at values/needs/motives/wants (both yours and others).
3. One suggestion for using P.E.P. in crucial conversations is to avoid using the word “needs,” opting instead for “wants,” “values,” or “motives.” Another suggestion is that when first starting out, warn the person you are about to practice P.E.P. and ask for their permission. Another suggestion is to break down the components of P.E.P. into smaller portions.
4. The Kung Fu analogy explains that like martial arts forms, P.E.P. provides a structured way to train the mind and heart. Once the “forms” are mastered, the practitioner can then engage in more free-flowing, spontaneous interactions while still retaining the benefits of the structured practice.
5. Using “clinical” P.E.P. language can sound scripted, inauthentic, or “weird” to others, potentially leading to resistance or a feeling of being psychoanalyzed.
6. Potential judgments of someone who uses profanity excessively include being seen as lazy, having a poor vocabulary, lacking imagination, or being emotionally fragile.
7. The author sees cuss words as “power words,” to be used sparingly for impact, while also cautioning against their overuse, which can negatively affect how the speaker is perceived.
8. Discourse markers include phrases like “Frankly,” “To be honest,” “You know,” and “Like.” The author suggests letting go of these phrases as they can be unnecessary and reduce the efficiency of communication.
9. Including the word “feeling” can help internalize and convey that we are not our feelings and to help increase peace while communicating with others.
10. The example is if they react negatively by saying, “Why are you talking like a therapist?” The short answer is to give them more empathy.

II. Essay Questions

1. Discuss the importance of authenticity in empathetic communication, and how P.E.P. can help individuals become more naturally empathetic over time.
2. Analyze the benefits and drawbacks of using “clinical” versus “street” P.E.P. language, providing examples of situations where each approach might be more appropriate.
3. Explain how the concepts of observation, feeling, and values/needs/motives/wants interrelate in P.E.P., and how understanding these relationships can improve communication.
4. Describe how to apply the principles of P.E.P. to de-escalate a high-stakes, emotionally charged conversation, including specific strategies for responding to resistance or negative reactions.
5. Critically evaluate the role of word choice in effective communication, with an emphasis on the use of profanity and unnecessary discourse markers, according to the source material.

III. Glossary of Key Terms

• Practical Empathy Practice (P.E.P.): A method of listening and speaking with oneself and others, focusing on liberation, understanding, connection, responsibility, clarity, and empowerment.
• Authenticity: The quality of being genuine, real, and true to oneself in communication and interactions.
• Observation without Evaluation: Describing what is seen or heard without adding personal judgment or interpretation.
• Needs/Values/Motives/Wants: Fundamental human desires or principles that drive behavior and create feelings when met or unmet.
• Feeling: An emotional state experienced in response to observations and the fulfillment or lack of fulfillment of needs/values.
• Clinical P.E.P.: A structured, formulaic application of P.E.P. that may sound unnatural or scripted.
• Street P.E.P.: A more fluid, spontaneous, and natural application of P.E.P. in everyday conversations.
• Positive Do-able Request: A clear and specific request for action that would help meet a need or value.
• Discourse Markers: Words or phrases (e.g., “Frankly,” “You know”) used to signal sincerity, assist with transitions, or as filler.
• Power Words: A term for curse words or profanity, suggesting they can be used for emphasis but should be used sparingly.
• Habitual: A way of communication that comes from previously programmed ways of speaking.
• Evaluation: Personal judgment or interpretation.